My Soul...
| You Are a Visionary Soul |
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul |
Well then...
Gemini Horoscope for week of May 25, 2006
"Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or do you want to change the world?" That's the question asked by Marc Hedlund in the intro to his "Proverbs for Entrepreneurs" (http://snipurl.com/ndlv). Since you're experiencing new opportunities to bring more of the entrepreneurial spirit into your life and work, I thought I'd offer you a few of his suggestions. (1) Pay attention to any idea that won't leave you alone. (2) Give people what they really need, not necessarily what they say they need. (3) If you keep your brilliant ideas secret for fear they'll be stolen, people will hide their brilliant ideas from you. (4) Great things are made by people who share a passion, not by partners who have been talked into it.
Today Is My Earthday!!!!!!!!
I am 25 today and I am so very thankful to have made it here. Today I give thanks to the Creator and Shango for my heart (I'm okay with being tender-hearted even though my MaMa used to say it like it was a bad thing), my laughter (loud, subtle, genuine, and sounding just like my mama), my body (I can dance therefore I can exist), my family (I truly adore them), my friends (I am absolutely blessed to have them all...near, far, old, and new), my love (rich, sweet, tough, raw, everlasting, and juicy), my hopes (I still have hope for my folks, my life, my family, my King, my seeds, my future, our liberation), my honor, my forgiveness (I wouldn't be smiling today if I didn't have this...thank you), my overstanding, my perseverance (Shango especially), my smile (thanks dad), my humility (thank you for another minute, another hour, another day, another year to grow and become better, wiser, stronger, and more divine), my humor, my blessings....thank you! Let the wonder continue to flow...Kisses, hugs, kugs to all of my lovely loves...
I give thanks to the Most High for my light...now watch me glow...
Ayana aka Love, Magic Love Goddess, Dancing Love Angel, Monet, Babygirl, Yanapooh, Angel, Booder, Orange Blossom, Precious, Queen, Star, Beautiful...me.
True....true...
Gemini Horoscope for week of May 18, 2006
"It is not possible to get the blessing without the madness," wrote Norman O. Brown in his book Apocalypse and/or Metamorphosis. "It is not possible to get the illuminations without the derangement." His words ring true for you right now, Gemini. Lately you've been pursuing (and getting pursued by) wickedly twisted yet fertile opportunities, and now you're near the climax of the madness and derangement. Next stop: blessings and illuminations.
Hummin' Comin' At Cha!
So, I just got back from Virginia and it was enlightening. Love my folk. They make my source make sense. So, now that I've met both sides of my family (kinda...my family is huge...we're like the mob...or some other really big group of people that reps really hard for their loved ones...they're pretty hard core...I LOVE IT! Um...I digress) So, yeah, now I feel like I'm truly ready to bring in my 25th year. I'll be 25 on Monday...May 22 and babygirl won't be a baby anymore...actually I haven't been a baby for a while. It's had to have been at least an hour. lol. Seriously though, I'm looking forward to my life changing some more. I'm going to see one of my favorite groups on Saturday (Fertile Ground! WOO HOO!), going to celebrate Malcolm X this weekend too...shoot, I'm gonna see the Roots on Monday (MY EARTHDAY!!! Watch out now dere boi! lol) I'm hoping to live like a 25 year old until I start school and then it's strictly bidness! Seriously...it is! For real!!! Ok, there will be some fun involved. Geez! You're relentless! So, yeah...I think I'm ready. I've got my dyed hair, mohawk, boots, get 'em girl 'fit, and a smile to match so, 25, here I come! You wanna come too?
Kisses, hugs, kugs to all of my lovely loves...
Sending light and love as always,
Ayana aka Love
This is the deal...
So, folks have been asking what's been going on with me...why am I not as chipper. All these great things going on and I can't seem to smile 24 hours a day. What the heck is my problem, right? They think it has to do with something way less important to me. I had to clear out the other ish to make room for the love that I need right now to help shine me through this. I'm not gonna go into a lot of detail, I'm just gonna give a timeline. The timeline of events concerning my brother...That situation is wearing on me and I'm sad. Yes, I am sad. Very sad actually. I might even be knocking on angry.
1. April 11, 2006- My brother returned to his apartment after dialysis. My father calls his apartment and gets a busy signal. He goes to his apartment to check on him. The door is cracked open, everything is knocked off the table, the phone is off the hook, and my older brother (only 13 years my senior) is face down on his couch with his oxygen tube knocked off of him and lying on the floor. He had a stroke.
2. April 12, 2006- My mama and I go to a concert and then my mama tells me about what happened. She found out on the 11th. I call Devine and can't keep it together. She helped. We hung up. I wished for a butta half to be there to help me be stronger or at least really be there for me...genuinely. Let that go. Wiped my tears so my mama didn't see...she has/had enough stress and me showing my pain wouldn't help. My brother is unconscious still, has pneumonia, a blood infection, crust around his heart keeping it from functioning properly, kidneys still not working, right side of his brain is swollen, and his entire left side is paralyzed.
3. April 13, 2006 - April 14, 2006 - No change
4. April 15, 2006- My big brother is conscious.
5. April 16, 2006- My mama left Atlanta after celebrating with me to tend to my big brother...she's disoriented and can't even remember her own telephone number after hearing about what I endured the past 6 months (abuse and quiet trauma) and then what happened at home while she was here with me.
6. April 17, 2006 - April 19, 2006- All I know is that brother is still in the hospital and he'll be there for at least a year for rehabilitation. He'll have to live in a nursing home for the rest of his life or with mama or once she transitions...with me. He opened his eyes. He doesn't know what happened still. My mama sounds weak. My father is angry and confused. I'm lonely and knockin on numb.
7. April 20, 2006- My big brother has to have emergency brain surgery. The swelling won't go down and without it...he'll die. I call my mama to talk about my emotional trauma and she tells me, "I'm sorry, yanapoo if I sound uninterested, but your brother just had emergency brain surgery...so that's where I am right now" I say, "Oh, I'm sorry...I understand...are you okay?" Last time I cried was when I heard he had a stroke...April 12, 2006. This news brought no tears.
8. April 21, 2006 - April 27, 2006- He knows mama is there, he's without the tube down his throat, he can write notes with his right hand, and wiggled his big toe on his left foot. My mama told me that she said, "Tell your brain to tell your left foot to move....tell your brain to tell your left foot to move" and his toe wiggled. She's filled with hope after that wiggle. I'm not.
9. April 28, 2006 - May 2, 2006 - My big brother still has swelling in his brain and they can't place the bone back on until it goes down. He has short term memory loss and cannot speak.
10. May 3, 2006 (today) - My mama tells me that he told her why he had a stroke.
NOTE: PLEASE FORGIVE MY LANGUAGE AND SPORADIC TYPING...I AM ANGRY AND SAD AND HURT. REFERENCE: (*) = my tears or a pause when I had to stop typing from shaking...this is hard for me to write, but I need to write it. If you made it this far...you're a trooper. She asked him if he remembered having a stroke. He wrote, "No." She asked him if he remembered anything about that day. He wrote, "Yes, they wouldn't help me out of my chair after my dialysis (*...finally the tears come) treatment(*). He wrote, "As I tried to get up and walk the nurse called me Step N' Fetchit(*)." He wrote, "They wouldn't wheel me out to the van in a wheel chair (*....those motha fuckers!**** that's my fuckin brother! ****that's your fuckin job you souless bastards!****(scream)****). He wrote, "The driver woudn't help me from the van to my apartment when they dropped me off and laughed at me." (********************screams and clinched fists****************YOU COULD'VE KILLED HIM, YOU WRETCHED MONSTER!*******FUCK YOU!)
They were supposed to help him. Their job was to help him. ****I can't save him from here***They almost killed my brother***They almost took him from me*****they ttttoooooookkkkkk him....and I can't help him. kkkkkke..he's my big brother and he's not, he's, he's,hes, he's, my mama can't take all this...and I'm dealing with this shit on my own down here...I can't save him and I want to make it all better... I can't...
So, that's what's been going on with me. Raw dawg...no chaser. Not that petty ish that folks think...it's this real ish that creeps up on me in the middle of the day, in my dreams, and I'm tryin to shake it. So...
New Day aka Changing Womban
I've become someone that I adore...Acceptance of life as it comes and goes has made me more peaceful. I said goodbye to insincerity within the past three weeks and everyone in my life that means anything to me and knows the truth about my journey was so happy that I discarded that part of my journey. They thought I should have done more, but I thought that I did more than enough...the situation that I disposed of didn't deserve anymore of my energy...it was not for me to be a part of it any longer.
Thanks to all who have helped me to make changes and stay focused on the wonderful journey my life has become. I am a changing womban. It feels new and familiar all at the same time. I'm so thankful that the Creator felt it necessary for me to come out of my last year's fog and stretch my body anxiously beneath sun rays...I am so thankful.
I am thankful that I've been able to expand my family during a time when I was unknowlingly being stripped of my ancestral instincts...It's imperative for a queen to follow the words and energy of the ancestors and it's necessary for a queen to know when doing that is harming her...I had to go against the ancestors this year because it was clear to me that in order for me to safely do what was right, I couldn't be the only one walking that path. I was the only one, I went away, and I was rewarded...my life took a positive turn. It was funny how everytime I discarded negativity, my life opened up to receive blessings immediately...They came pouring in and it was amazing.
I've done some changing since last year and I am growing. I've made some bad decisions in my past, recently I've made some very good decisions, and they're all apart of my journey...a journey that I won't apologize for nor will I lie about. My journey is mine and it's beautiful...laced with smiles, wonderful hugs, beautiful people, genuine love, loss, mistakes, accomplishments, growth, sweat, bliss, electric touches, sweet kisses, interpretive dancing, spinning, purring....*sigh*...thank you to my lovely loves and more fiyah to all evil-doers...Change is a wonderous thing...makes me wanna dream again....
