Sunday, October 23, 2005

Acceptance


I loved the hope in you. It gave me hope. I hoped that your hope in us would last so that I could move past all of my fears surrounding our possibilities. The magnificence that we were capable of was clear to me and I was petrified because I couldn't believe that it was real. I hoped that you would never lose that hope for as long as you breathed this earth's air. I didn't have much hope or faith in the beginning of this and your hope helped me to hope again. Seeking and eventually finding hope after years of forgetting hope's address was a surprise for me and it made me warm, excited, happy, eager, and hot to see the hope in your eyes, words, actions, and energy. My story was becoming "No, no, no, no, no" to that old sad love song cause you made me love when I didn't want to love, want when I didn't want to want, believe when I didn't want to believe, and yes...hope when I didn't want to hope and now you don't hope the same and because of that I have to go back to not hoping again. Hope is a funny thing. It's fragile and apparently temperamental. Hope and I may not be made for each other cause that damn hope is always running out just when a sista gets fairly comfortable.

I loved the faith in you. Your faith in us gave me faith in us. I had hope and faith that the faith you had in us would last so that I could move past all of my fears surrounding our possibilities. I wanted so much for your faith in us to never fade. Your unwavering faith would've given me a faith in this that would have never faded. Unfortunately, that's not this story. Now I can't make friends with hope or faith because that would lead to disappointment and disappointment and I just don't get along. Now us can't be trusted like I thought we could cause I need to follow your lead and your lead is going away from me, from hope, from faith, AND you can't blame me for your decision to not have pure and unwavering hope and faith in us...that's your decision and I support that and move forward accordingly...I've followed your lead thus far and this is where I've gotten and I think from here on out I'll be more cautious about this hope and faith stuff...it's a bit tricky AND maybe one day I'll figure out this puzzle...the man's game...

posted by The Funky Fly Fresh Goddess @ 10/23/2005 08:35:00 PM 3 comments

Thursday, October 13, 2005

When love calls...you better answer

What does love take? Does it take compromise and humility? Does it take your smile? Does it take your pride? Does it take your strength? Does it take your comfort? Does it make you open up only to make you want to hide deeper, further, and even more stuck than before? I want to love and not feel like I have to lose my stability, my strength, my smile, my pride, or my comfort. I want to grab handfuls of sunshine when I hold my love's outreached hand. I want to ignite a flame in my love so hot that they sweat red, black, and green desire and beautiful brown eagerness to be my sweet perfection. I want to feel like the work I do to make my love's nerves stand on end when I walk in any room is done because my love has made that the only option after receiving their butter melted, sweet and spicy, fudge covered adoration, support, and reassurance of my Queendom in progress...I want my love to give first. I want my love to never doubt what and who I am and to know that I am their perfect destiny. I want my love to fight for me and to never let me roam. I want my love to hold me tight with the same aggression felt by our ancestors who won the battle of holding their families together. I want my love to share with me like they want me to be apart of every part of their lives. I want my love to love freely and without fear...it would make me feel safe and warm to receive their honest and powerful appreciation and relentless love of me and who I am and who I want to be. I want to take shots of my loves tenderness until I am drunk with their magnificence. I want to dance freedom into my love's life and whine myself next to my love's third eye so that I can gyrate my love's inner most subconscious in a way that will have my love floating through this space on the fluidity of my comfort clouds. Would love take that? Does love take that? Will love take me with my need for growth, my pain, my smile, my empathy, my desires, my mischief, my curiosity, my tears, my intensity, my impulsiveness, my duality, my attention addiction, my constant search for peace, my contradictions, my modesty, my confusion, my flaws, my humility, my perfection..My love and I are perfect...our perfection may not yet be realized by us, and our perfection still permeates through all uncertainties in the eyes of the Creator...She sees what we cannot...

posted by The Funky Fly Fresh Goddess @ 10/13/2005 02:02:00 AM 1 comments

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