Monday, January 16, 2006

My bed

I've been making my bed since the end of October last year and it's felt good. It made me feel as though I was taking care of myself. It felt different and almost foreign. I was caring for my peace of mind just in that act. While I sleep, my mind wanders, reminisces, dreams, drifts, and often times scares me...I took care of the place where I rest my head. I had various cleansing rituals in my bed room to clear the air and it has proven to be helpful...kinda. I've been making my bed since the end of November last year and it's felt good. I started floating again. I drifted out of my body and let the ancestors and my Orisha drive me through my sad time. I was so busy letting myself be a doormat while I reached out with concern for others and left myself open to receive damage...I allowed myself to become damaged goods and at the same time I made my bed a tan, feathered cloud to cushion me while my spirit guides went to work in my subconscious. I've been making my bed since the middle of December last year and it's felt good. I started following my own lead. It was scary and lonely and empowering and right. I stopped walking blindly and unblocked my path by moving another from blocking my sight. I started walking with sight and purpose by making myself first again. I was making my bed since the middle of December last year and then I stopped...I don't know why exactly but I ran away at that very moment...I ran home, I ran to my grandma, I ran to our cemetery, I ran to my words, I ran to my music, I ran to my creativity, I ran to my familiar...I came back though...it wasn't easy...AND I came back. I came back to Atlanta, I came back to my space and I saw a flyer in my door. I thought it was a note, a gesture, a voice, some proof of concern for me, but it wasn't...I threw it away and I went to my bedroom and I dropped all the bags I had accumulated since the end of October...the bags that I acquired from being misguided, loving too deep, being damaged, being sad, and running and I made my bed...I've been making my bed since I came back...

1 Comments:

At 8:20 PM, Blogger AnanaJohari had said was, uh...

Ayana,

you are not and were not damaged you were aggressively ducated on how to better protect yourself.

keep allowing God and your ancestors to work on your subconscience.

remember, once the door of choosing your own path gets open its scary but fill it all with the realization that you have free will... free will to do or NOT do what ever fits you.

contune to lead your path, continue to excercise free will and then... have faith. it sounds like lip service but i received a message about love being the root of faith.

you love to dance.. so you have faith that you always will.

i love to eat so i have faith that i always will.

know what you love.. decide it and have faith it will always be there.

if you love peace of mind... have faith it will always be there. release what needs to be released and practice things that bring you peace of mind.

when my brain istrying to take over i write things down work some of the anxiety out by reassuring myself i have the ability and free will to make it ALL happen.

pretty soon, the bed you made.. you will lie in and it will be a peacefulone. it may already be.

love nana

 

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