Sunday, January 07, 2007

The nitty gritty

So, I'm makin' moves...It's interesting to me how doing real work on self is never pretty. In order to make real moves in that area, people really have to get down to the gritty interior of their lives. I wonder if visiting and sifting through that part of one's space is why so many people only participate in surface personal work. Surface isn't for me...if I'm going to do the work, I'm going to DO the, I'm working.

I did my list of destinations for 2007 and I'm excited about them. I made a lot of progress on letting my higher self free to rule this past year, and I did not do enough work on putting baby girl first. Although I loved on myself more than I had in the past, I still didn't love on myself enough. Because of that, I'm resolving to be all about loving me this year. Last year, my focus was placed on making others happy more than making myself happy and I'm just not doing that anymore. I did a good job at pushing through and moving past my hardships in 2006, AND I need to assess, grieve, and move higher now...

I need to learn how to cry again, I need to learn how to feel pain again...I've been on robot mode since I was violated and it only got worse once I lost my brother. I can't do that anymore. It's easier and it's not healthier. It's unhealthy to not allow myself to get angry. It's unhealthy to not allow myself to feel sad. That became clear to me once I told my homegirl the things I've been processing and she said to me, "So, Ayana, how are YOU doing?" and I began projectile crying because I haven't given any energy to how I FEEL about what has happened in my life for over a year. I've been doing damage control and not FEELING...that's not good for self. It may have served to allow me to get through those many things enough to handle my everyday business, however, it did not allow me to release and I need to release. We all do...

Here are a few of my 2007 destinations:

1. Be a healthier womban

2. Be a rocking daughter, friend, sister, goddess, and God-mama

3. Continue to embody and share light, love, kisses, hugs, and kugs

4. Be open to receive light, love, kisses, hugs, and kugs

5. Make more time for myself

6. End my ridiculous procrastinating

7. Prove to myself that I have learned

8. Set and maintain boundaries

9. Continue to love Afrikan all costs

10. Create my altar

11. Grieve and accept the loss of my brother

12. Write a letter to the Creator

13. Learn more about Yoruba and Akan traditions

14. Listen and speak more to the ancestors

15. Pray daily

16. Meditate at least once a week (be still, no noise, just me)

17. Express my appreciation to the Creator, the ancestors, and the universe daily

18. Interview my mama, grandmama, and aunt nani about my family and record my

19. Spend more time with my big sister and with Kaya

20. Be a daughter more often

21. Choreograph at least one piece every three months

22. Nurture my artistry

23. Attend at least 6 dance performances (try more)

24. Attend at least 6 poetry slams

25. Write poetry (at least one poem a month)

26. Start painting

27. Drink a gallon of water a day

28. Master cleanse when the seasons change

29. Get a massage at least once a month

30. Go to the chiropractor once every other month

31. Be more self-loving

32. Continue to be honest, but not to a fault

33. Observe more often

34. Acknowledge my growth more often

35. Surround myself with people who want to/can/do enrich my life

36. Allow myself to feel pain again...there are lessons to learned

37. Only interact with people who are interested in my well-being

38. Write in my personal journal daily

39. Call my Grandmama more often

40. Volunteer at least 6 times

41. Continue my work on understanding and learning how to apply astrology info

42. Go to MJQ at least twice a month

43. Horseback riding

44. Travel (Philadelphia, Vegas, Mexico, New York, Jamaica, Chicago)

The original soul flower is on a mission...a mission that will afford me even more sunshine and smiles...I look forward to this year. I hope that it will be filled with more positivity than last year and I eagerly await all the orange energy out there for me to receive...Bring it on, 2007...I'm ready to shine even brighter...

Kisses, hugs, kugs...

Ayana a.k.a. Magic Love Goddess, Dancing Love Angel, Monet, Babygirl, Angel, Orange Blossom, Precious, Love, Queen, Star, Beautiful, Soul


At 12:50 AM, Anonymous Big Zi from Da Group Home had said was, uh...

Yo. 2007 is about to be your year, son. OUR year. I'm feelin the energy, I'm feelin the focus on SELF. Do yo' THANG gurrrl - be the best womban you can be! I totally related to so much of what you said. Not feeling. Robot mode. Not working on self. And you know what? There was a season for that. Sometimes that's needed for coping, and getting papers written ;) But enuf fi dem yo! We are going to sing, and dance, and laugh, and share, and grow, and SHINE! I see your light baby girl!

Here is where I will join you (to start off with) is so amazing how similar our lists are!
* Horseback riding
* Get a massage (here and there - lol)
* Acknowledge growth & pain
* Water, water, and more water
* Prayer, meditation, and supplication
* Make time for self
* Be a light & be open to accept others' light!

Let's get it CRACKIN!


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